Quick Joke

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Geordie Ross
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Re: Quick Joke

Postby Geordie Ross » Sun Feb 24, 2013 12:16 am

My girlfriend asked, "Do you want to get married?"
I said, "Sure."She said, "Great, when?"
I said, "Well like every other guy, when I meet the right girl."
War does not determine who is right, only who is left.

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Moon
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Re: Quick Joke

Postby Moon » Sun Feb 24, 2013 1:49 am

After a date with a girl from Newcastle we slept together and it was awesome, I asked her if I was the first man she'd ever had sex with and she replied...

'"You could be, your face looks familiar" :S
"Wise men speak because they have something to say: fools because they have to say something"...Plato

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the blade master
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Re: Quick Joke

Postby the blade master » Sun Feb 24, 2013 4:13 am

hey moon
is this your way of telling us you could be geordie,s dad :> (allways thought geordie,s accent didnt sound quite right)lols
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a wise man can learn more from a foolish answer than a fool can from a wise answer
the only time a fisherman tells the truth is when he calls another fisherman a liar

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Moon
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Re: Quick Joke

Postby Moon » Sun Mar 17, 2013 10:59 pm

Image
"Wise men speak because they have something to say: fools because they have to say something"...Plato

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Geordie Ross
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Re: Quick Joke

Postby Geordie Ross » Sun Mar 17, 2013 11:06 pm

Lmao, that's great moon, I think it may be lost on our american/Canadian friends

What's the most sensitive part of a woman's body?
Her fat saggy arse :mrgreen:
War does not determine who is right, only who is left.

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gooseman
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Re: Quick Joke

Postby gooseman » Tue Mar 19, 2013 12:54 pm

Sir
please explain the cow/horse joke , us Americans is a bit slow on the up-take!!
da gooseman

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Geordie Ross
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Re: Quick Joke

Postby Geordie Ross » Tue Mar 19, 2013 1:03 pm

There was recently a scandal, horse meat from Romania was found in beef produce, in supermarkets and Burger King, hence the cows complaining about foreign horses stealing their jobs :mrgreen:


My porn star friend recently passed away.
As a mark of respect, we had his ashes scattered over his wife's face.
War does not determine who is right, only who is left.

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gooseman
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Re: Quick Joke

Postby gooseman » Tue Mar 19, 2013 4:50 pm

Thank you sir !
da gooaeman

Maynar
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Re: Quick Joke

Postby Maynar » Wed Mar 20, 2013 4:50 am

I got it....
I am Brother Maynar, keeper of the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch. And the number of the counting, shall be three.

It is by will alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the beans of java that thoughts acquire speed, the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning. It is by will alone I set my mind in motion.

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Moon
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Re: Quick Joke

Postby Moon » Mon May 20, 2013 10:21 pm

This is a true story, proving how fascinating the mind of a six year old is. They think so logically.

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.

She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home.

She read. 'And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'

The teacher paused then asked the class: 'And what do you think the man said?'

One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly...

'I think the man would have said - 'Well, F#ck me!! A talking pig!'

The teacher had to leave the room


OK OK, I don't make this crap up, I just post it lol
"Wise men speak because they have something to say: fools because they have to say something"...Plato

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Big Lazy
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Re: Quick Joke

Postby Big Lazy » Mon May 20, 2013 11:34 pm

I bumped into my ex in town earlier, I said:

"How's your new bloke?"

"He's twice the man you are," she sneered, "what about your new woman?"

I said, "Thankfully she's half the woman you are, you fat slag."
Pimp or die baby!

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Moon
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Re: Quick Joke

Postby Moon » Fri May 31, 2013 11:28 am

Two Irish builders (Patrick and Seamus) are seated either side of a table in a pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar.

The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit.

Pat: - I reckon he's an accountant.

Seamus: - No way - he's a stockbroker.

Pat: - He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here!

The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Pat and he makes for the toilet.

On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal.

Curiosity and the several beers get the better of him.
Pat: - 'Scuse me.... no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?

Suit: - No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession

Pat: - Oh? What's that then?

Suit: - I'll try to explain by example ...... Do you have a goldfish at home?

Pat: - Er ... mmm .......... well yeah, I do as it happens!

Suit: - Well, it's logical that you keep it either in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it?

Pat: - It's in a pond!

Suit: - Well it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then?

Pat: - As it happens, yes I have got a big garden.

Suit: - Well then it's logical to assume that, in this town, if you have a large garden then you have a large house?

Pat: - As it happens I've got a five bedroom house ........ built it myself!

Suit: - Well given that you've built a five bedroom house it's logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married? And with a family?

Pat: - Yes I am married, I live with my wife and four children.

Suit: - Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis?

Pat: - Yep! Five times a week!

Suit: - Well then it is logical to suggest that you don't masturbate very often?

Pat: - Do what? Not me, mate!

Suit: - Well there you are! That's logical science at work!

Pat: - How's that then?

Suit: - Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about your sex life!

Pat: - I see! That's pretty impressive. Thanks mate!

Both leave the toilet and Pat returns to his mate.

Seamus: - I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?

Pat: - Yep! He's a logical scientist!

Seamus: - What's that then?

Pat: - I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish?

Seamus: - Nope

Pat: - Well then, you're a w*nker.
"Wise men speak because they have something to say: fools because they have to say something"...Plato

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Geordie Ross
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Re: Quick Joke

Postby Geordie Ross » Sun Jun 09, 2013 3:06 pm

Not sure if this is real as I don't read Japanese, but this is just brilliantly inventive.

Image
War does not determine who is right, only who is left.

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Mellony
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Re: Quick Joke

Postby Mellony » Sun Jun 09, 2013 5:33 pm

the character for woman (Josei?) looks correct but I can’t see any evidence for the "noisy" character unfortunately lol

http://translate.google.co.uk/#en/ja/noisy
Semper cogitatio.

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Geordie Ross
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Re: Quick Joke

Postby Geordie Ross » Wed Jun 12, 2013 2:59 pm

That's disappointing :|
War does not determine who is right, only who is left.


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